Passages
Saturday was a big day. At 6 a.m., in northern California, my beloved mother-in-law DQ passed away, just one day short of her 98th birthday. She was an amazing woman with great values and huge energy, talent, and heart. She was an educator for most of her life, working in various different contexts, and she co-raised two great kids.
Luckily both of them were with her in her last hours. Bill and I are planning to go back to California in a few weeks to take part in the small memorial being planned for Granny in L.A.. She had lived in West L.A. for most of her long life.
Saturday, too, I finally finished my book about Africa. The last chapter was such a daunting task-- one that I've been facing (or not facing) since last September. The challenge was to bring together and then analyze the "findings" of all the three case studies presented in the body of the book. No small task. It is always extraordinarily hard to "refine" and organize one's thoughts-- which for me, certainly, as y'all might have noticed, do tend to take off into a number of (I think) interesting parenthetical excursi-- into a single linear narrative.
I think I've done a fairly decent job on that chapter, now. But I'm fairly tired, and I'm grieving.
Granny had seen so many things in her life. The establishment of the New Deal, and then more recently its dismantlement. The establishment of the UN, with its attendant hopes of the ending of the use of force in international affairs, and then more recently the major attempts to dismantle the UN as a functioning organization and to discredit the goal of the ending of war.
I think that so far, our generation of US citizens has done a truly lousy job of stewarding the heritage of good governance, domestically and in internatinal affairs, that Granny's generation bequeathed to us. We have to take some major responsibility for getting things back on track.
My own mother died when I was a child. (Which was why DQ became a particularly important presence in my life.) My Dad died in 1999. So now, there are no more wise elders in the family whose stories and wisdom we can draw on. Our generation is "it".
This is very scary.
Luckily, in our family and many others that I know of, the younger generation coming along also has great values and great energy. So the longterm trend could be good.
But how do we get to a world of real human equality and non-reliance on the use of force? What an enormous question.
heartfelt sympathies...you should take comfort in the fact that she must have been very pleased and proud of the long journey undertaken by her daughter-in-law to reach out to and learn from many peoples in the far reaches of our more-connected-than-ever global village and invite disparate people of all nationalities and world views through her blog to hop aboard for the ride.
Let me stand side-by-side with Hammurabi for once to express my sympathy for you, Helena.
I'm sorry that you have lost someone who was a mother to you, and sorry for your kids that they have lost their Granny, and for your Bill.
Dominic.
My condolences also. You grew up in the UK I think? If so maybe you heard some Irish person give a very old blessing:
"She was in heaven before the devil knoew she was dead."
That seems appropriate here.
I'm very sorry to hear this, Helena. Stay strong and remember her well.
Helena,
My sympathies on the loss of your mother-in-law. My (ex) mother-in-law also is a great woman. Too bad so many people speak poorly of mothers-in-law. May the good memories be a comfort to you.
"So now, there are no more wise elders in the family whose stories and wisdom we can draw on."
oh, I would say there are still wise elders in your family! And you are one of them.
deepest sympathies, she sounds like she was a wonderful women.
Very sorry to hear of your loss.
Your comment reminds me of my 65ish father saying when his 95ish father died, "now we are the older generation." His generation (roughly WWI) looked to elders for leadership. We no longer do that, for good and ill. But all of us are responsible to make the best of this fragile world in the time we are here.
My sincere condolences Helena. I have come to realize over time that our departed beloved never really leave us: part of them is always to be found within ourselves.
May I add my condolences Helena? I find that no matter how well and long someones life was the grief of not having them anymore tends to be still rather overwhelming.
Dear helena,
Holding DQ and all who loved & appreciated her in the Light...until you meet again.
Condolences, Helena. So sorry to hear of your loss. Sharing your thoughts and hopes for the future generations in light of Granny's passing.
Helena,
Please receive all my sympathy for the loss of your mother in law, but also my congratulations for the end of your book.
Thank you all so much for your very kind comments. Bill also read them this morning and he was surprised and touched by them.
This thing called an "on-line community" is not the same, I think, as most other forms of human community. But it is-- can be-- a valuable form of community all the same.
Bill knows how many evenings per week, in normal times, I'm sitting here and doing things on the blog. My study is right across the hallway from our bedroom, so oftentimes he's sitting there in bed reading and hears me tap-tapping away...
Your mother-in-law must have been quite something, Helena. Thank you for describing her. Not all wisdom has departed the world - look at you. My mother said she felt the same way, though, when her last uant died.